Ask Grandma Phag: My Cheating Friend

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Our hit advice columnist Grandma Phag is back. Grandma Phag is an 88 year old former drag performer that is known for her sagely wisdom. While she sometimes struggles to know what decade it is, her advice is always timeless. 

Dear Grandma Phag,

My best friend in the whole world who I've known for 20 years has been cheating on his husband of 10 years. Now this shouldn't be a shock in the gay world, however, it's becoming a problem. Like the cheating is rampant and with anyone and is tied into his addictive personality with drugs, alcohol, and gambling. The husband has no idea. Like sits at home and waits for my friend to get home sometimes after 5:00AM!

I've told my friend to slow down because honestly this lifestyle will be his undoing whether financially, getting busted on a DUI, or having a heart attack.  Is there anything else I should do or is voicing my opinion to my friend enough to clear my conscience? 

Concerned In Des Moines


Dear Concerned In Des Moines,

Oh, honey, let me tell you, the tea is brewing and it's hot! First off, kudos to you for being such a caring friend and looking out for your bestie. Now, let Grandma Phag give you some sage advice.

It's essential that you've already voiced your concerns to your friend. Sometimes, people need a little wake-up call, even if it means hearing it from someone they love. However, don't beat yourself up if they don't immediately change their ways. We can't force anyone to make better choices, no matter how badly we want to.

While it may be tempting to spill the tea to the husband, sometimes it's best to tread lightly. Relationships are complex, honey, and interfering without a proper understanding of their dynamics can lead to unintended consequences.

You've already done your part by voicing your concerns to your friend. That's commendable, my dear! But now it's time to step back and let your friend take responsibility for his own actions. People can be stubborn, and change comes from within.

Instead, focus on offering support and guidance to your friend. Be the voice of reason, encouraging him to reflect on his choices and the impact they have on his life. Sometimes, all it takes is a gentle nudge to help someone see the light.

Encourage your friend to seek professional help if his addictive behaviors are spiraling out of control. Addiction is a beast, my love, and it often requires specialized treatment. Offer to accompany him to support groups or therapy sessions, if he's willing.

Now, here's the tricky part - finding a balance between being a supportive friend and not enabling destructive behavior. It's important to set boundaries, expressing your love and concern while making it clear that you won't condone harmful actions.

Ultimately, my sweet, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. You can only be there for them, offering a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Remember, it's their journey, and they need to find their own way.

So, my dear Concerned In Des Moines, take a deep breath and remember that you've done what you can. It's up to your friend to realize the consequences of his actions and make the necessary changes. Be patient, be kind, and most importantly, take care of yourself.

Sending you all the love and sassy wisdom in the world,

Grandma Phag


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