Ask Grandma Phag: Throuple Into A Fourway Relationship?

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Dear Grandma Phag,

I've been with my boyfriends (Mark & Drew) for two years. Mark is a top. Drew is versatile. I say I'm versatile but I'm a total bottom. Mark & Drew had clearly discussed this topic before coming to me with this. We were hanging out last week and they brought up bringing in a fourth to our relationship. 

Now our rule between us three is we can play together or separate.  All of us are on PrEP and did the mpox vaccines. We just can't catch feelings. 

I was a bit taken aback. Like they had this conversation without me and were both sold on the idea. We live together so I wasn't sure if we were wanting to find someone else to move in with us. I just had a lot of logistical questions and at the same time feel like they have someone in mind. 

They did tell me they wanted another bottom in the relationship so I can "have a break."

Should I be worried here? Am I being replaced? What do I do?

Tired Old Bottom


Dearest Tired Old Bottom,

Hold onto your pearls, honey, because Grandma Phag is here to untangle this four-way fandango! First off, bless your heart for keeping it versatile, but let's be real, bottoms are the whipped cream on the sundae, darling. Now, onto this whole "adding another bottom" business.

Red Flag Alert! This whole proposition needs a good sequinned once-over. Here's the tea:

  • Surprise! They already planned this? Honey, communication is key, and springing a whole new partner on you ain't exactly a heart-to-heart. It sounds like Mark and Drew might have already got their sights set on someone, which ain't the best way to build a polycule stronger than a drag queen's hairspray.
  • "Just a Break" for Your Sweet Bottom? Let's be honest, sugar, "break" is a fancy word for "replacement parts." You deserve a partner who wants you for all your deliciousness, not just when their arms get tired.
  • Logistics, Logistics, Logistics! Adding another roommate, especially when emotions are involved, is a recipe for a sequin-strewn disaster. Bills, chores, cuddle puddles – you gotta make sure everyone's on the same page before diving into this four-headed hydra.

So, Tired Old Bottom, here's what Grandma Phag suggests:

  • Pump the Brakes, Honey! Tell Mark and Drew you need a time-out to process this whole thing. Communication is key, darling! Don't be afraid to express your concerns and ask those logistical questions.
  • Define Your Desires! What kind of relationship are YOU looking for? Do you want a polycule, or are you happy with the three of you? Knowing your own heart's desires will help navigate this conversation.
  • Open Up the Toy Box! Maybe Mark and Drew genuinely want to explore a poly situation, but communication is key! Have an open and honest conversation about boundaries, expectations, and safe sex practices (because even Grandma Phag knows protection is ALWAYS in fashion!)

Remember, sweetie, you deserve a relationship that makes your heart sing like Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall. Don't settle for anything less!

Love and Sequins,

Grandma Phag



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