Dear Grandma Phag: I Found My Uncle On Sniffies & Messy Bottoms

Dear Grandma Phag,

I live pretty close to where I grew up and where my family is. My mom has three sisters (so I have three aunts) and they all are married so three different uncles.

I was cruising on Sniffies last week when I found this amazing looking cock. It was big, girthy, and the balls were perfection. My profile is just my ass up - exactly what the Tops will see when they walk in.

So I started to message Capt. Girthy, and we quickly got to trading face pics. I know some of your readers may hate doing that - but I just feel safer knowing who I'm going to see. Well....he sent first and BAM it's my uncle Mark. I screamed. Blocked him. Screamed again. Wondered if I should unblock him and try again or would that make our family reunion too sloppy?

Hole Lotta Nephew

Dear Hole Lotta Nephew,

Oh sweetie, you are a sloppy messy bottom. For the sake of the family drama, don't fuck your uncle. While you aren't related by blood - it could be a disaster at your next family get together. Unless you can pull off the ultimate porn fantasy - I say no way to that dick. But, could you send pics next time so I can see how girthy he is?

Grandma Phag

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Dear Grandma Phag,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He's a top, and I'm the pig hole in this relationship. Well, he LOVES silicon lube. He thinks it is the greatest thing ever and only wants to use it. I don't like it. It takes too long to clean up and frankly it has made our sheets look polka dot from all the stains. How do I tell him I'd like to try different products?

Piggy Hole

Dear Piggy Hole,

As I always say, a messy bed makes for a messy day. You should head to your local sex shop and buy a variety of lubes. Give them a try with a dildo (use only those appropriate for the type of toy you're using), and see what you love. After that, next time you're wanting to ride that boyfriend's pole - grab your new favorite lube and show him how good it feels.

Grandma Phag

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Dear Grandma Phag,

I'm on vacation in Puerto Vallarta with a large group of gays. Last night, I bottomed for two different studs. First was at the bar in the bathroom, and the second time I went home with a friend of my friend who organized the trip.

Well, during the first encounter I hadn't douched and let's just say I filled his foreskin full of the brown stuff. The top said he didn't mind and I was drunk so whatever.

The second encounter, this Top peed in my mouth and again when he stuck it in there was a mess. It wasn't a mess - it was an eruption! This Top also said he didn't mind.

Am I just gross? Is this okay? Or are the hotties I've met just nasty too?

Pee Guzzler

Dear Pee Guzzler,

If the smell or experience of giving these handsome gentleman "poopy dick" bothers you - stop doing what you're doing. I think it's very sweet of you to gift him some of your back door special after he fed you his golden shower. It might be smart to bring a small bag with you when you go out with all the essentials. Put in the bag your wallet, ID, and some flushable wipes.

Grandma Phag