August 03, 2022 · By Darby Allan

When You're the Third in a Threesome

Studies continue to show an increasing number of relationships are open meaning that either partner is free to sleep with other people. Sometimes couples prefer to play only together, play only separately, or they sometimes just want a third to spice things up in the bedroom.

Many straight couples may add a bisexual woman for example. A bisexual woman in this situation would be referred to as an unicorn. She can play with both the man and woman while also not adding to any issues between the couple.

LGBTQ couples have learned how to perfect the threeway and may be in completely polyamorous relationships or just having someone over for a nightcap. Here is a quick rundown for being that third person in an existing relationship. You want it to be a good experience for everyone involved because everyone likes being invited to another party in the future.

DEFINE IT

So you have met a couple that is open to having you come into their life. You have to be upfront about what that means so that in the end no one gets hurt. Are you three just going to fuck from time to time or are there feelings between the three of you and therefore you’re more of a throuple? If you’re just three people having sex, then you are allowed to go and have sex with others but if you are coming into this couple to then make it a throuple you’re part of an actual relationship with not one, but two people. Which level of commitment are you ready for when it comes to polyamory and what do they want as well?

IT’S WHAT BOTH PARTIES WANT

Sometimes one person is pulling for a third person to join in and the other goes along with it just to appease their partner. I’ve never encountered that but I did meet a guy once who was in an open relationship just because his girlfriend wanted to be and at the end of our conversation, he admitted he wasn’t as into it as she was. With that said, make sure that this is something both partners want from the start. You don’t want to have that drama between them ruining the whole situation.

DON’T CATCH FEELINGS

If the couple just wants you around for sex and that’s it, then try not to get too attached to them on a romantic level. I know, hard. It’s a little less hard when you figure that sex is just a physical act, it’s when you put love into the mix that it becomes emotional. I am not saying you have to be a coldhearted sex machine with these people but you want to keep a wall up so that if you do catch feelings, you’re not left hurt when one or both of them don’t like you like that.

LEAVE THE JEALOUSY AT THE DOOR

If you enter a relationship with an already defined couple, those jealous feelings can and will arise in you. That is based on a number of things. They have a history. So they already have inside jokes, know one another inside and out, and all of that. You’re the new guy on the scene and being on the outside of the bond they already have may get the best of you. Don’t let it. You have to be mature about this and know that it’ll take time to get to their level but with open and honest communication, your throuple can thrive.