Ask Grandma Phag: To Loon Or Not To Loon?

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Our hit advice columnist Grandma Phag is back. Grandma Phag is an 88 year old former drag performer that is known for her sagely wisdom. While she sometimes struggles to know what decade it is, her advice is always timeless. 

Dear Grandma Phag,

I always like to try something new. I like being able to freak out my straight friends with all the insane sexual encounters I have whether it is gloryholes, fisting someone, group sex, or double penetration. If it feels good I don't see why not. Well I just experienced something a bit...different.

On Saturday, I went over to a guy's place I found on Sniffies. Just regular exchange of pics and such and I went over. When I got there he got so weird about opening the door. He told me he was a "looner" which I didn't know what this way. He likes to fuck balloons. He opens the door and sure enough - there's balloons. He asked if it was okay if he humped the balloon while I fucked him and I thought alright let's do this. So we do it, and it's...different. Like he was concerned about the balloon popping so it couldn't be inflated so much. 

Is this too weird? 

Looner Lover


Dear Looner Lover,

Oh, darling, you've certainly stumbled upon a unique adventure! It takes a lot to surprise me, but I must say, your experience with the looner was quite unexpected. Now, let me serve you up a plate of wisdom with a side of sass.

First and foremost, my dear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring your desires and indulging in what brings you pleasure. Life's too short to be worried about what others may think. As long as it's consensual, safe, and brings you joy, why not go for it?

Now, let's address the looner situation. While some may raise an eyebrow at this particular kink, who am I to judge? We all have our own peculiarities and fetishes that make us tick. If both you and your looner friend were comfortable and consented to the balloon-filled rendezvous, then I see no harm in it. After all, it takes all kinds to make this world fabulous!

However, my dear, it's essential to remember that communication is key in any intimate encounter. If you find yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable or pushes your boundaries, speak up, darling! Respect and open dialogue are vital in ensuring a pleasurable experience for both parties involved.

So, my fearless adventurer, embrace your unique encounters and continue to explore the depths of your desires. Just remember to stay safe, respectful, and true to yourself. And if anyone questions your choices, simply throw on your most glamorous outfit, flip your hair, and sashay away.

With love, sass, and a sprinkle of glitter,

Grandma Phag

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