Ask Grandma Phag: I Love Tacos & Bottoming What Do I Do?

Dear Grandma Phag,

I love spicy foods. I eat a jalapeno once a day at least! And tacos are my absolute favorite. But I'm a filthy bottom. I can't get enough of the dick in my hole, but a lot of times I feel like I am risking it. How can I be a filthy bottom while at the same time fulfilling my hungry needs for the spiciest foods around? 

An Accident Waiting To Happen

Dear An Accident Waiting To Happen,

Oh my dear. You can have your tacos & dick too! You just need to make sure you are cleaning out that furry hole of yours. It can take several hours for your body to digest, so you could always run a sprint of devouring tacos before your hole devours that big dick. But it's important to remember when doing anal - shit happens. 

Grandma Phag

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Dear Grandma Phag,

I'm addicted to getting my dick sucked. I cannot get enough of blowjobs. My boyfriend isn't doing it enough, so I've been heading up Grindr to get some throats to fill. Should I tell him about my addiction and needs? What do I do?

Blow Me

Dear Blow Me,

Who doesn't love a little tongue action up & down their pole? You should come clean with the boyfriend about wanting an open relationship. Who knows - you could do a threeway and give his jaw a break. 

Grandma Phag

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Dear Grandma Phag,

My friend is making fun of me for loving golden showers. He keeps accusing me of swallowing the piss!!!! I don't swallow I swear, I just have my mouth open when guys pee on my face. I spit it out in the shower. It's all for fun. How do I tell my friend to leave me alone and stop calling me a piss drinker?!?

Pee Taster Not Drinker

Dear Pee Taster Not Drinker,

Are you sure you don't drink it? It's okay deary. A little piss in the morning can do your body good - just make sure to brush your teeth after.

Grandma Phag