Ask Grandma Phag: My Boyfriend Was Jerking Off To A Video Of Me & My Ex

relationship advice for gay men coming out advice dealing with parents (as a gay man) setting boundaries in a relationship communication in a relationship jealousy in a relationship break up advice (for gay men) moving on after a break up

Dear Grandma Phag,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We're open and have permission to play around as long as we don't catch feelings. Last weekend I came home and hear my boyfriend watching porn. This wasn't such a big deal except when I walked in he had a video I made with my ex casting on the bedroom TV. My ex pounded me into next Tuesday. He was good at sex - horrible human being.  My boyfriend had his dick out and was jerking off hard to this.

Of course I'm happy he jacks it to me. I know I'm a catch. I got a great hole and pole. However, I don't like he found this video and was jerking it off to my ex too. It just felt like one of those unspoken rules that exs would be no gos for anything naughty. Yes it was just jerking off but still.

He found the video on my laptop and he wasn't snooping - I literally have a folder labeled Me Getting Dick so whatever. After I caught him I just sucked him off and moved on with our night.

Should I be upset? Should I have a serious talk with him? Or am I just being insane?

Pounded Into Next Tuesday

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Dearest Pounded,**

Hold onto your Depends, because this situation needs a good dose of Grandma Phag's wisdom! Now, listen closely, honey.

First up, bless your open and playful heart, but that "no catching feelings" rule can be trickier than a greased doorknob. Maybe it's time for a chat about boundaries, sweetheart.

Now, about the video. You're right, finding your ex on the screen is a bit like stepping in a pile of metaphorical dog doo. Here's the thing: while you're a total catch (and I wouldn't doubt that hole and pole!), it's natural for your boyfriend to be a little thrown by seeing you with another fella.

But sweetie, snooping's a big no-no. However, since the folder was labeled like a flashing neon sign, let's just say curiosity got the cat (or in this case, your boyfriend's hand).

Here's what Grandma Phag suggests: have a calm conversation, not a full-on brawl. Explain how you felt seeing the video, and that you deserve a boyfriend who respects your boundaries (including your laptop!).

Now, about the "unspoken rule" on exes – honey, sometimes the best rules are the ones we talk about. Maybe watching ex-capades is a definite no-go for you both, or maybe it's just something you need to be upfront about. Communication is key, darling!

Remember, a good relationship is built on trust and honesty. So talk it out, set some boundaries, and then get back to enjoying being a catch!

Love you tons,

Grandma Phag

P.S. Maybe consider a new folder name for your…um… personal collection?


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