9 Mistakes That Can Wreck A Perfect Dick Pic

Love 'em or hate 'em - dick pics are a requirement in the gay world. Did you just message someone wanting a cute date? Sorry - you're going to need a dick pic. And there is nothing worse than a gross, nasty, poorly done dick pic. I don't care if you have a monster cock - with poor techniques you're going to have an unattractive dick pic. We asked around for tips and here is what the gays around Portland thought. Read on to get those 9 Mistakes That Can Wreck A Perfect Dick Pic.

Unwanted Dick Pics

Guess what? Not everyone wants to see your one-eyed monster. And that's okay! They might be busy. Heck - they could be attending a funeral and you're over here sending dick and ball shots. You can do better. Make sure they are wanted before sending anything lewd.

Dim Lighting

You know how everyone has a ring light now? That's because lighting is important! If you're taking a dick pic in a poorly lit space - your dick is going to look sad. Get that big hog the lighting it deserves. Your eggplant is the star of this photoshoot.

Toilet Shot

I'm going to say what needs to be said - toilet dick pics are gross. You are probably pooping and you're taking pickle pics during this. That's NASTY! I don't want to be wondering if you washed your hands or realizing that phone you're holding probably has something unpleasant on it. Take these pics somewhere sexier than a toilet!

Messy Queen

Is that a dirty dish in the background? Why don't you ever do your laundry? The rest of the space is being observed when you send a dick pic so tidy up a bit. Make a sexy scene - not here is my disgusting floor style shot. The point of a dick pic is to turn the other person on - not feel sad.

Are those bumps?

Now when you shave your pubes, you may experience a breakout or bumps forming especially if you don't use any products. Grab some of our Booty Aftershave , and apply it after shaving. Make sure your area is clear of these pesky breakouts because if I don't know you I'd think you might have something like herpes or warts that I don't want to have.

The Pet Staring

In the line of having a messy home, I don't want to see your poor dog staring at you. It feels shameful. Yes your pet is adorable and of course I want to meet them - but pets aren't sexy. Try to avoid getting me the look of shame from your furry friend.

Children's Toys...

This one might be for that "straight" married guy or maybe a gay guy with a kid - but I don't want to see any children's toys in the picture. I get there is sexiness to being secretive or hitting it with a married dude. But, I feel super uncomfy when I see a dollhouse behind your willy.

Use filters & emojis sparingly

Filters and emojis can be playful, cute, and a little sexy when teasing. They can get a bit silly or like you're covering up something. If you want me to see it - show me! Don't be weird. Don't use filters to hide things either - cause if you're lucky I'll be on my knees meeting your friend.

Zoomed In

Don't zoom in. I don't need to see it so close up. I hate that because it means I can't really see what I'll be working with. I like big, medium, and small dicks. Don't be afraid. If you zoom in too close it gets a bit off.

The Bottom Line

Dick pics need some serious respect. Don't be gross or rude. Be proud of that mushroom of yours and give it some love to shine. Get to sending!