There are etiquette rules in pretty much any social setting, including gay bars. Whether you are a member of the community or an ally, there are a few different things that you need to be aware of. While you might think you are coming off as fun and endearing, you could be coming off as problematic and annoying.
If you are queer and heading to the gay clubs, make sure you have your pornstar booty ready to go.
The top do’s and don’ts for gay bars
DO: Join queer friends when invited
Just because it is a queer space does not mean that straight people are strictly forbidden. If you have gay friends that want to bring you out for a special event like a birthday or the most fun Tuesday you have ever had, of course, you can join.
DON’T: Wonder why people are hitting on you if you are not gay
After all, you are in a queer space. If people of the same sex hitting on you makes you uncomfortable, then do not come. In a gay bar, it is widely assumed that most people there are gay, bi, or pan, so getting offended or confused at being hit on is a major red flag.
DO: Go along with the flow
Take cues from the queer people in your group and be open to any possibilities. Do your best to be welcoming and inclusive. The worst thing you can do would be to make people uncomfortable in a space that was made for them where you are just a guest.
DON’T: Forget to tip your bartenders, queens, or dancers
Tipping is important, so do not make a fool of yourself by forgetting cash to tip queens at a drag show, bartenders at a bar, or dancers at a club. These people are working and deserve to be compensated for this work. If you enjoy the service or show, make sure you show it through cash.
DO: Make sure you are welcome in the space
If you are at a bachelorette party and have no queer members of your group, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not go to a gay bar. We are not merely gay for your amusement. We love that you feel comfortable and safe with us, but go somewhere that was designed for you. Remember that gay bars were created so gay people had a space to go where they could let their guards down and enjoy themselves. By coming into that space and disrupting it, you are doing more harm than good.
DON’T: Treat people like an accessory
Straight women have an especially nasty habit of collecting gays like coffee mugs that they are adding to a collection. They want to be seen as the token ally and like all their friends are gay. This is problematic for several reasons, but mainly the fact that gay people exist is a normal and natural occurrence that should not be fetishized. If you are joining your gay friends at a bar, that is one thing. If you are going to the bar to make gay friends, it would be best to stay at home.
DO: Get products for all your gay friends
If you were messy one night and need to say sorry, the best way to do so is to get your gay friends products that will make them feel like the hottest version of themselves. Whether it is a butt scrub or some beard oils, pampering themselves before heading to the bars will increase their confidence. The perfect way to get to a gay heart is through an anal brightener. Whatever the product or occasion, it will be more than appreciated during their next hookup.
At the end of the day…
Do your best to treat people with kindness and make them feel understood and included. Listen to what they say and respect their wishes. If you make a mistake, own up to it and buy them presents. Nothing says “I’m sorry” like products designed by and for queer men. Most importantly, have fun. Gays know how to party – enjoy it while you can.